The day I was a stalker - Really it was not that bad!

I was at the airport awaiting my dearest friend Heidi when all of a sudden I saw some gorgeous flowers in a mans hand. The man holding them looked so nervous. He kept looking back at the flight arrival board then at his watch. I sigh inwardly as I realize like most women would in this position that the flowers are for the girl he loves. I forget my precious friend Heidi (Sorry Heidi) and stand back awaiting the union of these two young love birds. As time passes I become more nervous "where is she", "she should be here by now". The man makes a phone call but nothing. He continues to stand eyes fixed on the arrival terminal stoic in his stance. Then all of a sudden his phone rings and he looks around puzzled. Then off he goes with urgent strides. What is happening? Where should she be? I just had to find out so off I go with all the stealthiness that I could manage in a busy airport. I follow him as he goes around one side of the terminal but then he turn backs and heads to the opposite side of the airport. I could not loose him but for a moment I did behind the telephone booth. My heart sinks where could he be? Yet, I am quickly reassured that all is well in the world as I see the beautiful flowers in the hand of a beautiful girl with the young man grinning as they head out of the airport together. I quickly realize that they were coming my way so I rapidly pull out my phone grinning that all is right with the world. I even have proof of this love story. But, to respect the innocent I covered the man face with a heart. Who ever said love stories are not real!

My Students During Field Trip Week

The Purpose of a Chick Flick

I have just gotten done watching "Letters to Juliet" and my heart sighed. Yes, the movie was a chick flick. Yes, the movie was full of sentimentalism that you think may ONLY be seen in movies. However, I would like to say that I have seen the "sigh creating love" in real life. I have seen this type of love in the older couples whom have experienced hell and back. Yet, these couples with God's grace and guidance have endured. The Lord has been given glory by the work He did in their lives. I also see this love in every married couple who day in and day out make the choice to love their spouse above their own selfish desires. As a women we are encouraged to not watch these "chick flick" movies because they are not "real" and create unrealistic expectations. I may never experience love and be married to someone for fifty years. But, that will not change the fact that the soul stirring love has been given as a gift from the Lord. Just like He has given us a rose to pause and see his beauty. He has given us this type of Love to remind us of the love He has for us. So, go find your sweetheart curl up on the couch and pop in your favorite "chick flick" and be thankful for the gift he has given you. If you are in my position that you do not have a sweetheart call your best friend or grab your sweet treat then curl up on the couch and rejoice for He has also given you the great gift of His love for you.

Home Sweet Home

"Dad, I need to get tags on my car because they are up this month, but in order to do that I have to change car insurance companies, then get a South Carolina Drivers license."

"That is more permanent, if your only going to be there for a year you won't need to do all that we can renew your tags here in Kansas, but are you thinking of staying longer?"

A Long Pause....

"Yeah I am" There the decision was made in one moment my move to the south became permanent. I felt I could here my dad's heartbreak with mine on the phone.

In the course of deciding to move out to South Carolina my dad and I discussed how long I would be here. I would just try this for a year and take it one day at a time. If things go well with the school and I love what I am doing then after my school year I would stay. But, it was inevitable I had fallen in love with what I do daily and the Lord was showing me that I would not be returning to Kansas after the year was up.

After I hung up with my dad, I cried. I miss my father, friends and my community. I miss the feeling of always being safe and fully loved. "Lord, Am I making the right decision?"My answer came quicker than I thought.

Today during Communion one of my young students was taking communion near me. I look up from prayer and see his little head bowed in a state of prayer and reflecting before he partook in the sacraments. My heart was humbled and at that moment God confirmed the decision for me to stay out here. Then after church I was blessed with the opportunity to host a pot luck with some of my church family at the house I am living at. As Louis Armstrong played in the background while women and men where talking around me my heart felt even more blessed. I carried a little boy around on my hip who belonged to a little family who were visiting church today and was so blessed by his smiles. Again my heart was comforted. There will be times of sadness and yearning for those I love back in Kansas. Yet, I am excited to see the Lord slowly building up community around me and seeing him work through the humbled prayers of a little boy or the tiny smiles of an infant. I have made the right decision"Praise God Through Whom all blessings flow!"

A Book Saved From Destruction

Today I hit "The Wall", I was getting so focused on trying to figure out what to do with History I wanted to throw the book out the window. But, then after some prayer and a call to my best friend in Kansas I found my error. The issue was not with the material but, with having faith in what God has called me to do. I am just like all the other men and women in the Bible. Name one and unless they were Jesus, they had their moments. The seed of my doubt I found was rooted in my tendency to compare myself to other teachers. "They do this so I should do that." The real kicker is when I say things like to myself like "I should be doing that or I am not doing enough." The truth is I am called to take each day one day at a time. Trusting that God will give me strength and courage to teach the Children as he as called me to and not being afraid of the perception of others. This lesson is going to take a lifetime. But, at for tonight one History book has been saved from going out the window.

What I miss the most...

Today was an amazing day with my children and the school. But, yet I still do feel a deep void. I know the statement "God will fill your void." I know that he is supposed to fill my every want and desire, which He has in so many ways. He bring me so much joy and delight. Yet, the reality is that I am still so human and God did not create man to be alone. Even Christ and Paul had deep relationships with those who knew them, who walked with them daily, who ate with them, and who served God together day and night. That is what I miss most right now. Daily I get to see God work in the lives of my students, and the Lord sees all of it but then I go home and no one is there to share these blessings with. Those who have been with me in my darkest days are so far away. There is nothing like being hugged by those who KNOW you the good, the bad, the ugly and still love you. Even when things are hard they are still good, but even when things are good they are still hard.

The second thing I really do miss the most is the protection I had back home. I knew that between my Dad, Brother, and the wonderful group of brothers in Christ if something happened to me or I needed something I knew in the back of my mind they had my back. Sometimes I did have to call on them and they would be there. Sometimes in a group I never even had to question if I was safe or if I would be cared for just as I am. They too loved me in my darkest hours and there was no pressure to think I had to fit into there mold to be protected. A good bear hug was readily available without having to constantly and awkwardly ask. The littlest thing meant the most. I miss you all.

These voids have made me hold on even more to the blessings God has given me by the people here. I store them up in my heart so in moments when saddened with what I miss I can remember what God is doing. I am still not very good at this, yet in order for me to do what I love best I must trust that all will come in time. I have been in denial over these issues for so long. I talk about them and then pretend they do not exist. Yet, these things have affected me so thank you for loving me in the midst of these things. Thank you to those who are reading this who have loved me unconditionally both in Kansas and in my new home. You are all very precious to me. Thank you for sharing my life with me wither I am near or far. I love you.