What I miss the most...

Today was an amazing day with my children and the school. But, yet I still do feel a deep void. I know the statement "God will fill your void." I know that he is supposed to fill my every want and desire, which He has in so many ways. He bring me so much joy and delight. Yet, the reality is that I am still so human and God did not create man to be alone. Even Christ and Paul had deep relationships with those who knew them, who walked with them daily, who ate with them, and who served God together day and night. That is what I miss most right now. Daily I get to see God work in the lives of my students, and the Lord sees all of it but then I go home and no one is there to share these blessings with. Those who have been with me in my darkest days are so far away. There is nothing like being hugged by those who KNOW you the good, the bad, the ugly and still love you. Even when things are hard they are still good, but even when things are good they are still hard.

The second thing I really do miss the most is the protection I had back home. I knew that between my Dad, Brother, and the wonderful group of brothers in Christ if something happened to me or I needed something I knew in the back of my mind they had my back. Sometimes I did have to call on them and they would be there. Sometimes in a group I never even had to question if I was safe or if I would be cared for just as I am. They too loved me in my darkest hours and there was no pressure to think I had to fit into there mold to be protected. A good bear hug was readily available without having to constantly and awkwardly ask. The littlest thing meant the most. I miss you all.

These voids have made me hold on even more to the blessings God has given me by the people here. I store them up in my heart so in moments when saddened with what I miss I can remember what God is doing. I am still not very good at this, yet in order for me to do what I love best I must trust that all will come in time. I have been in denial over these issues for so long. I talk about them and then pretend they do not exist. Yet, these things have affected me so thank you for loving me in the midst of these things. Thank you to those who are reading this who have loved me unconditionally both in Kansas and in my new home. You are all very precious to me. Thank you for sharing my life with me wither I am near or far. I love you.